Sweet or Salty?

I love popcorn. Probably not as much as my mother does, but still, it's one of my favorite snacks.

When I moved to Germany I had no idea I'd be giving it up. But that's what happens when you don't have a microwave.

After four months of deprivation, I decided popcorn would be a nice treat. So on Friday night I went to the movies with the goal of eating a popcorn dinner. Well, that, and seeing Vicky Christina Barcelona. But the movie was secondary.

Maybe that's why popcorn is so expensive at the movies -- because people without microwaves will pay almost anything for it.

Just like in the US, popcorn and a drink was the same price as a movie ticket. Of course one difference is that Bier rather than Coke is the drink of choice at a Berlin movie theater.

Speaking of that, do you know the difference between beer and Bier? Just this: there is no such thing as a) bad Bier or b) expensive Bier. Ah, Berlin.

I asked the concession stand girl for a medium popcorn. Unexpectedly, she asked (auf Deutsch) "Sweet or salty?"

Now, it's a well known fact that sweet popcorn is completely disgusting. Like salty milk. Anyone who likes it is infantile. Or German. Or both.

So, with a horrified expression I responded, "NOT sweet." She understood. Disaster averted.

But when I got the popcorn I realized, to my great disappointment, that it was white. Not yellow. Where was that artificial butter powder that makes popcorn so savory? Missing. And where were the giant tubs with the levers that squirt artificial liquid butter? Nowhere.

It's not the little things, you know? It's not having no friends, no family, no holidays, no car, no Internet, no personality, and no clue what anyone is ever talking about that get you. It's the big things, like the lack of at least two different matter states of artificial butter, that really make you homesick.