Speaking a Foreign Language is Like

...being quizzed on the multiplication table, except the table has 750 rows and columns, and the questions are embedded, so it's like "What's 623 times (117 times (58 times (345 times 6)))?" And then you have to answer by giving the square root of that. Times pi.

So I finally got a German conversation partner! Here's what I learned in 90 minutes of intense cultural and philosophical conversation:

1) All that grammar stuff you learned really matters. Like the genders, the cases, the prepositions, the conjugations. They matter because everyone notices every mistake you make, and each one makes you difficult to understand.

2) Speaking German to non-Germans doesn't count. It's like the difference between playing Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots and having an actual street fight.

3) When your partner says, "there are people in Germany who speak worse German than you", she's actually trying to boost your self-esteem, not make you feel worthless.

4) Evidently, there are people in Germany who speak worse German than I do! Take that, migrant workers, tourists, and mentally disabled people!